The write way
February 8th, 2010Before opening your mouth and saying it, it’s sometimes a good idea to write it down.
My selves are all over the place today. Our minds are not really attached to what looks like it might be Rachel. 
It was a really good weekend. 
But it occured to me that perhaps some of my thoughts about it are best kept to myself. 
So rather than doing my usual let’s-just-type-whatever-enters-my-head-and-click-send-quick routine, I actually put pen to paper and wrote it down. Then re-read it. Realised the ridiculousness of what I had written. And buried it. 
The girl is learning. At last…
Current Mood: 
This is down to Maria and other friends having kept me company from dawn ’til dusk and dusk ’til dawn again. 
There have been girly chats, lots of wine, lots of food, a bit of shopping, some Wii games, a lazy breakfast and a large chunk of naughtiness. It’s been wicked. 
I was supposed to go 
The logic being that a nearly(ish)-30-year-old girl can’t really have ‘just’ forever can she?! Can she?! 
I did deliberate over this decision for a while. I got some advice from Yanni, my new Relationship-Manager. And I concluded that, what the hell, it doesn’t need to be a desperate thing. When you get to my age, you have to be pro-active don’t you?! 
So I’m thinking, if nothing else, this might be a good way to meet more people, make new friends and see what happens from there. It’s not really meant to be a fast-track route to Tiffanys. 
I’m learning, as advised, not to over-think. And, you know what? It’s making me smile. A lot. And I think that must be a good thing…
I won’t say how ‘well’ it’s going. 
However, I have managed to write almost 5000 words of, errr, I would like to say brilliance but I think I’ll let my supervisors be the judge of that next week. 
Let’s leave the adjective at ‘okayness’ for now. Probably best. 
And, yeas, at some point during the course of this manic essay-writing I did realise I no longer have a clue how to cite a journal article. 
Ironic, given that I am actually reading the journal articles this time, rather than simply glancing at the abstracts. 
It seems that a PhD might involve some hard work. Whoever would have thought it?!
But now we are in February. Spring is around the corner. Pay-day comes sooner. So some may wonder why I spent a good hour last night crying about the fact that today is February 1st. 
The thing is, today is, as most friends will know, Kostas’ birthday (Happy Birthday Mr. Clever). 
Which, for the last 6 years, I have celebrated with him. Usually involving cake. Sometimes involving trips to Rome or meals out or time driving a Ferrari. 
And it just made me sad that, this year, there’s nothing. 
On the same (depressing) theme, February was always a month to make me smile because it’s the month in which we ‘officially’ got together. Another sore reminder now. 
And so went my frame of mind last night. 
However. However. This February is not for looking back (as I’m sure Yanni was about to say). This February is about giving the month new reasons to be special. 
So I shall be usually bitter and cynical about all the Valentine’s shite that comes with the month and I’ll get on with my very own Campaign Tiffany. 
So this morning I woke up all perky and went off for a walk to take snowy photos of the lovely views right at the bottom of my road. I forgot to be excited about all the other good stuff in my life for a bit there. But now, we are good again…
On various things. But mainly how to behave as an almost-30-something-single-gal. 
The end result has been that my self-confidence has gone through the roof. Hopefully not quite to the point of arrogance. But it’s left me feeling pretty good about at least 5 of my 7 selves. 
At least, I’ve been reading stuff. And highlighting stuff. And listening to talks on stuff. And even taking notes. Can’t be much more to it than that surely?! 
Tomorrow I’ll start ‘teaching’. I’m not sure whether me, all of my selves or the students should be more afraid. Again, we will see. 
Given that I was revising all 629 possible endings of the past-plu-perfect-continuous-future tense of the reflexive verbs in order to be prepared for my lesson, this wasn’t quite the level I was hoping for. 
Looks like my retirement to that Greek island will have to wait a while. Probably for the best. That’ll give me time to get this PhD won’t it…
Having had only a semi-productive week, trying to read journal articles with too many big words and attending seminars full of clever people like registrars and geneticists and doctors researching cures for cot death, it dawned on me that, well, I’m not 100% sure what I’m doing. 
And that scared me. And made me feel stupid. 
Actually, if I’m being honest, this week hasn’t been an entirely productive one. Not on the work front anyway. Although I have made my desk at the office look pretty with lots of pink things, if that counts?! 
And really bloody fantastic in other areas. I won’t say which specific ones. 